*Sigh* Really, I just did. Sigh, that is. I don't know what it is...a change in the weather, the season, a lack of caffeine, or hormones (as most men would probably say), but I've been feeling a bit blue lately. Slightly depressed. I have to drag myself out of bed in the mornings and force myself not to run around in my pajamas all day. I'm feeling...lonely, useless, tired all the time...undesirable. :( I don't know why. Things have actually been better, so I don't know why I feel this way. I have a big Open House planned for this weekend which I have to decorate and cook for. Things I enjoy. My house is cleaner than it has been since we moved into the stupid thing (big mistake but that's another story). My kids woke up in a good mood this morning...that's a plus. And yet, still...all is not quite right with my world. I need a change of scenery. Alan gets off work at 6 tonight and will be home Monday and Tuesday before returning to work on Wednesday. I wish we could find a babysitter and just disappear together for the weekend. Something we've never done and doesn't look like we'll be able to do for a while. In the short time (only 4 years) that we have been married...we have only been "out" together one time since our first daughter was born three years ago and that was only for a couple of hours. We've never left the girls with anyone overnight or gone anywhere without them (not counting the two nights I spent in the hospital when daughter #2 was born). I kinda skipped over the whole independent, free college years. I went straight from the dorm room, to the alter, and then found myself pregnant four months after that. I just want....I don't know...I know I'm needed...but I'd like to feel wanted and desirable as well. I find myself wishing I could go out on dates again and experience a bit of the single life. Not that I want another guy in the picture...just some alone time with the one I've got would be nice.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
...My Current Mood
3 comments:
Hey sweetie, hang in there! My husband and I have had so many ups and downs it's mind-boggling, but somehow we've made it to the 12 year mark. There are times (a lot of times, lol) that I honestly look around and ask "Isn't there supposed to be MORE?" Then there are other times I look around and think "Wow, I'm so blessed there is no way I could fit IN more!" We still deal with the whole "not feeling so desirable" thing and he doesn't understand and probably never will - but just remember he's still there for a reason and so are you. It'll get better, it'll go bleh again and you'll be stronger for it. And if you get discouraged - call me and I'll buy you a drink. 'K? *hugs*
Redneck Diva
http://redneck-diva.tripod.com//blog
Stuck - Wish it were that easy. 1) No kids in my neighborhood. 2) Call me pesamistic and untrusting, but even if there were, I wouldn't leave my babies with them. The only person who has ever kept them for any amount of time is my mother. Unfortunatly she has back problems and is unable to do much of anything, especially chase two rugrats around all day. 3)Even if we did manage to find someone we trusted with our girls, there is no money to pay for a babysitter or a date.
Greg - You hit the nail on the head buddy. Too bad we don't live closer. We could take weekends watching each other's kids on the weekend. Enjoyed your site - will try to visit more often. :)
Diva - Thanks girl! What drink would you recommend? I've never had one. Maybe that's my problem. J/K.
Stuck - Wish it were that easy. 1) No kids in my neighborhood. 2) Call me pesamistic and untrusting, but even if there were, I wouldn't leave my babies with them. The only person who has ever kept them for any amount of time is my mother. Unfortunatly she has back problems and is unable to do much of anything, especially chase two rugrats around all day. 3)Even if we did manage to find someone we trusted with our girls, there is no money to pay for a babysitter or a date.
Greg - You hit the nail on the head buddy. Too bad we don't live closer. We could take weekends watching each other's kids on the weekend. Enjoyed your site - will try to visit more often. :)
Diva - Thanks girl! What drink would you recommend? I've never had one. Maybe that's my problem. J/K.
Post a Comment